How to Get Over a Cheating Relationship – Follow This Method
Have you ever felt that chest pain that seems to have no end? The feeling that the world has collapsed and nothing makes sense anymore?
If you are here, you are probably trying to understand how to overcome a betrayal. Know that you are not alone. This is a painful experience that many people face – in fact, the beginning of everything lies in starting to love yourself.
Betrayal shakes our deepest foundations: trust, self-esteem, and even our worldview. But believe me: it is possible to overcome this difficult moment and rebuild your life, whether or not you continue in the relationship.
When we are betrayed, our brain processes this experience similarly to trauma. Research shows that the neurological impact activates the same brain areas associated with physical pain.
Stress hormones, like cortisol, are released in large quantities, impairing our sleep, appetite, and ability to concentrate. This explains that feeling of “being on autopilot” in the first few days after the discovery.
The good news is that, with the right strategies, it is possible not only to overcome the pain but also to grow as a person from this difficult experience.
In this complete guide, you will discover practical strategies to deal with the pain, understand the emotional process, and make conscious decisions about your future. Let’s go on this journey of healing and transformation together.
Remember: Everyone has their own healing pace. Respect your time and your emotions during this process.
Understanding Betrayal and Its Emotional Impact
Betrayal goes far beyond what we imagine. It is not limited to physical infidelity – it can be emotional, financial, or even a significant breach of trust in other aspects of the relationship.
This explains why many people report feeling “a stab in the heart” or a “punch in the stomach” upon discovering a betrayal.
The Emotional Phases After a Betrayal
- Shock: “This can’t be happening to me”
- Denial: “There must be some mistake”
- Anger: “How could he/she do this to me?”
- Sadness: “I’ll never get over this pain”
- Bargaining: “If I change, maybe this won’t happen again”
- Acceptance: “This happened, and I need to move on”
Do you identify with any of these phases? Know that they are all natural and part of the healing process.
Taking Care of Yourself: First Steps After Discovery
When betrayal comes to light, the world seems to fall apart. In these initial moments, self-care needs to be your absolute priority. But how do you do that when it feels like you can barely breathe?
Psychologist Ana Beatriz Barbosa recommends avoiding making definitive decisions in the heat of the moment. “Many couples will say that much of the pain they caused each other after a betrayal could have been avoided if they had stepped back and not attacked,” she says.
Consider:
- Taking a few days to be alone
- Sleeping at a friend’s or family member’s house
- Asking for a break in the relationship to reflect
Embrace your emotions
Don’t suppress what you’re feeling! Allow yourself to cry, scream into a pillow, or write all your emotions in a journal. This emotional release is therapeutic and necessary.
Have you noticed how some people seem to “swallow” the betrayal and then get sick? This happens because repressed emotions can manifest as physical symptoms like headaches, digestive problems, and low immunity.
Seek reliable support
Talking about what happened can be painful, but it’s an essential part of healing. Choose carefully who you share with – people who won’t judge you or the situation.
A support network can include:
- Close friends who know how to listen
- Understanding family members
- Specific support groups
- A therapist or psychologist
Take care of your body:
- Walk 15 minutes a day
- Drink enough water
- Eat nutritiously
- Get enough sleep (use relaxation techniques)
It’s tempting to resort to “escape” strategies to relieve pain, but be careful with:
- Excessive alcohol consumption
- Drug use
- Compulsive shopping
- Revenge (which usually only brings more suffering)
“When overcoming a betrayal, the most important thing is emotional strengthening,” points out Najma Alencar. Therefore, make your mental health a priority at this time.
The Healing Process: Steps to Overcome Betrayal
Overcoming a betrayal doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process that requires patience and self-compassion. Let’s explore the steps that can help you heal these emotional wounds.
Allow yourself to feel the pain completely
It seems contradictory, but immersing yourself in the pain is the shortest path to overcoming it. When we try to escape suffering, it only prolongs it.
Try this exercise: set aside 20 minutes a day to fully feel your emotions. After that time, take a deep breath and resume your activities. As the days go by, you’ll notice you need less time to process these feelings.
Work on forgiveness (for your own good)
Forgiving doesn’t mean approving of what happened or going back to the relationship. It’s a gift you give yourself to free yourself from resentment.
Important: “Genuinely forgiving the person who betrayed is challenging, as betrayal involves a breach of trust. However, the party that decides to forgive needs to be very careful not to use this act as a bargaining chip,” warns the Zenklub team.
Forgiveness is a gradual process that begins with the conscious decision not to allow resentment to continue controlling your life.
Perform a closing ritual
Symbolic rituals can be powerful for marking the end of a painful cycle. Psychologist Anahy D’Amico suggests: “Write on a piece of paper everything that happened in the case of betrayal, everything you felt. Then, fold that paper and get rid of it – tear it, shred it, or burn it.”
Other ritual ideas include:
- Planting a tree symbolizing a new beginning
- Writing a letter that will never be sent
- Getting rid of objects that bring painful memories
- Taking a solo trip for reflection
Recover your self-esteem and self-confidence
Betrayal often makes us question our worth. It is essential to rebuild self-esteem through:
Personal care:
- Invest time in your appearance and well-being
- Learn something new you’ve always wanted to
- Practice activities you love
Mental health:
- Replace negative thoughts with positive ones
- Set small goals and celebrate each achievement
- Practice gratitude daily
Continue or End? Factors to Consider
One of the most difficult decisions after a betrayal is deciding whether the relationship should continue. There is no right or wrong answer – it depends on several individual factors.
Evaluate the relationship as a whole
Betrayal rarely happens in a vacuum. Before deciding, reflect on:
- What was the relationship like before the betrayal?
- Were there unresolved issues?
- Was communication healthy?
- Was there mutual respect?
- The relationship was healthy before the betrayal
- The partner shows genuine remorse
- There is a mutual willingness to work on the relationship
- Communication can be re-established honestly
- You can visualize a path to forgiveness
- The relationship already had serious problems
- The betrayal was repetitive or long-lasting
- There is no genuine remorse from the partner
- You can’t imagine trusting again
- Your mental health is being severely affected
Identify signs of genuine remorse
True remorse goes beyond words. Observe if the partner:
- Takes full responsibility (no excuses)
- Shows genuine empathy for your suffering
- Answers your questions honestly
- Is patient with your healing process
- Commits to concrete changes
Be wary of empty promises or attempts to blame you for the betrayal.
Consider the role of couples therapy
For couples who decide to continue, therapy can be fundamental. A neutral professional helps to:
- Identify problematic patterns
- Improve communication
- Process difficult emotions
- Establish new foundations for the relationship
Certain contexts require additional considerations:
- Long marriages (20+ years)
- Presence of young children
- Financial dependence
- Recurring betrayal vs. single incident
“Consider the stage of the relationship. Overcoming a betrayal in a marriage that has produced children is different from overcoming one at the beginning of a relationship,” points out the Zenklub team.
Rebuilding Trust: Is It Possible to Trust Again?
Rebuilding trust after a betrayal is like learning to walk again after a serious fracture. It’s possible, but it requires time, patience, and a gradual healing process.
Trust as a gradual process
Understand that trust doesn’t return all at once. It is rebuilt through:
- Small, consistent gestures over time
- Continuous transparency
- Kept commitments
- Honest communication
Establishing new foundations for the relationship
If you decide to continue the relationship, new rules need to be established:
- Greater transparency (without invading privacy)
- Open communication about feelings and needs
- Clear boundaries on acceptable behaviors
- Mutual commitment to rebuilding
“Even if the couple decides to stay together, the belief in eternal fidelity has been lost, and everything experienced in the future will be different. This feeling helps to abandon past dreams and build a possible future,” explain experts.
Avoiding the cycle of mistrust
After a betrayal, it is common to develop obsessive behaviors like constantly checking the partner’s phone. This creates a toxic cycle where:
- You mistrust
- You constantly monitor
- You live in a state of alert
- You become emotionally exhausted
- You hinder the rebuilding of trust
To break this cycle, practice:
- Open communication about your insecurities
- Development of self-confidence
- Focus on the present, not the past
- Mindfulness techniques for anxiety
Specific practices to strengthen trust
Some techniques can accelerate the rebuilding of trust:
- Active listening exercises: “Formulate short sentences to explain feelings or needs to your partner. Then, have them repeat what you said,” suggests consultant Laurie Weiss.
- Regular emotional check-ins: weekly conversations about the state of the relationship
- Bonding activities: creating new positive memories together
- Celebrating small progresses: acknowledging improvements in communication and trust
The Role of Professional Help in Overcoming
Seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness, but of courage and commitment to your emotional health. Betrayal can trigger deep traumas that benefit from specialized support.
When to seek individual therapy
Consider professional help if you:
- Have recurring thoughts about the betrayal for more than 15 days
- Experience physical symptoms like insomnia or loss of appetite
- Find it difficult to perform daily activities
- Develop anxiety or depression
Different therapeutic approaches for trauma
Various therapeutic methods can help in overcoming:
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: works on automatic negative thoughts
EMDR: processing traumatic memories
Mindfulness: attention techniques for anxiety
Schema-focused therapy: addresses dysfunctional relational patterns
How to find the right professional
Look for a therapist specialized in:
- Relationships
- Trauma
- Betrayal/infidelity
- Rebuilding trust
Online platforms like Zenklub and Psitto can help you find specialized professionals who offer remote sessions.
Remember: it may be necessary to consult more than one professional until you find one with whom you feel comfortable.
Post-Traumatic Growth: Transforming Pain into Strength
Although painful, betrayal can become a catalyst for deep personal growth. Many people report that after overcoming this trauma, they became stronger and wiser.
Extracting lessons from painful experiences
Ask yourself:
- What did I learn about myself in this process?
- What values are truly important to me?
- How has this experience changed my view of relationships?
- What inner strengths did I discover I possess?
Developing new emotional skills
Overcoming a betrayal develops valuable skills such as:
- Greater emotional intelligence
- Ability to set healthy boundaries
- Discernment about people and situations
- Resilience in the face of adversity
Establishing healthier relationships
With these new skills, you will be able to:
- Identify partners more compatible with your values
- Communicate needs and boundaries more clearly
- Build relationships based on mutual respect
- Address conflicts more constructively
Expert advice: “After a betrayal, we remain hurt and sensitive for a long time, and we tend to make generalizations. That’s why we first need to let the wounds heal before getting romantically involved again.” — Anahy D’Amico
Redefining personal values
Betrayal often forces us to reflect on:
- What really matters in our lives
- What kind of relationships we want to build
- What values are non-negotiable for us
- How to value ourselves more
This re-evaluation can lead to a more authentic life aligned with who we truly are.
Conclusion: Your Path to Emotional Liberation
Overcoming a betrayal is a deeply personal journey that requires time, patience, and self-compassion. There is no magic formula or set deadline – everyone has their own healing pace.
If you are facing this challenge now, remember:
- The pain you feel is real and valid
- You are not to blame for someone else’s choice
- This difficult experience does not define who you are
- It is possible to rebuild trust (in yourself and in others)
- You deserve healthy and respectful relationships
- There is growth and wisdom available on the other side of pain
Regardless of whether you continue in the relationship or follow new paths, the most important thing is to regain your inner peace and ability to trust – first in yourself, then in others.
How to overcome a betrayal is a unique process for each person, but with the right tools, adequate support, and a lot of kindness to yourself, you will find your way to healing and renewal.
Don’t give up. One day this pain will be just a distant memory that made you a stronger, wiser person, capable of loving even more deeply.
Final reminder: Forgiveness (whether of the other or of yourself) is not weakness, but the path to your own emotional liberation.
Frequently Asked Questions
There is no fixed timeframe. Research suggests that the most intense emotional impact can last from 3 to 6 months, but complete healing often takes 1 to 2 years. Factors such as the severity of the betrayal, duration of the relationship, and your emotional support influence this time. When suffering persists intensely for more than two weeks, seeking professional help is recommended.
Yes, it is possible, as long as both are committed to rebuilding the relationship. Love can take on a new, more mature and realistic form. However, the betrayed person needs to honestly assess whether they can genuinely forgive and if the partner shows sincere remorse and behavioral change. Couples therapy can be fundamental in this process.
Recurring thoughts are normal after a trauma. Effective techniques include:
- Mindfulness (returning to the present moment)
- Thought stopping (mentally saying “STOP”)
- Healthy distractions (physical activity, hobby)
- Cognitive restructuring (replacing negative thoughts)
- Writing feelings in a journal
If these thoughts significantly interfere with your routine, consider professional help.
Many religious traditions offer guidance on forgiveness and healing. From a Christian perspective, for example, forgiveness is seen as liberating for the one who forgives, even if it doesn’t mean reconciliation. Practices like prayer, spiritual meditation, and pastoral counseling can complement the emotional healing process. Regardless of belief, seeking spiritual meaning in the experience can bring comfort and purpose to suffering.
Genuine remorse manifests through:
- Taking full responsibility (without excuses)
- Sincere empathy for your suffering
- Patience with your healing process (without pressure)
- Voluntary transparency in their actions
- Actively seeking professional help
- Consistent and lasting behavioral changes
- Willingness to answer difficult questions
Be wary of empty promises not accompanied by concrete actions.
Were you betrayed or are you helping someone overcome a betrayal? Share your experience in the comments below or seek professional support to guide you on this healing journey.
